Fat bitch ate all the donuts

One reason I wrote this post yesterday was to set the stage for my “fat bitch ate all the donuts” story. Specifically the point about Cusquenian kids (or young people) having a more favorable opinion of American style fast-food places than people in the US or Europe. In the past few years a McDonalds, KFC and Starbucks have opened at the Plaza de Armas in Cuzco and young Cusquenians tend to like them and regard them highly, both as places to eat and as places to work.

Fair enough, I understand their sentiment. It’s something new, something worldly, not something they’ve grown up with on every street corner. And because the employees there are proud of their jobs, the service is actually quite good.

2 days in Lima

About 30% of all Peruvians live in the Lima metro area. One of the disadvantages about living in the “provinces” is that there are a number of things you just can’t do anywhere in Peru other than Lima. Embassies, corporate offices, international flights, etc. Often you have no choice but to go to Lima for things of that nature. This week I had to have a document notarized at the US Embassy, so I hopped on a flight to Lima and back. Counting airfare, hotels, taxi, embassy fees, etc, I spent around $400 to have a piece of paper notarized 😦

My Dunkin Donuts story

Next time you get on a flight from Lima to Cuzco take a look at the Peruvians around you. Chances are that you’ll see at least one or two who are carrying a box of Dunkin Donuts. The reason is simple: there’s a Dunkin Donuts at the food court at the Lima airport but none in Cuzco. Many Cusquenians will take a box of Dunkin Donuts home for the family. Again, just because it’s something worldly, something American, something we don’t have in Cuzco.

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I’m terrible at buying souvenirs but I like to bring home at least something from every trip I go on. Mamacita linda likes it when I bring home a box of Dunkin Donuts. She munches on a few, takes some for her friends at work and gives the rest to her family. Tourists sometimes look at me quizzically when they see a tall gringo get on a flight to Cuzco carrying a box of donuts but I don’t care. Anything for my mamacita linda 🙂

On this trip mamacita linda asked me specifically to bring back a box of Dunkin Donuts. I managed to go through security, on my plane, fly to Cuzco, take a taxi home all without opening the box and stealing a donut for myself. I was a good papi! I arrived home just before lunchtime, happy as can be. Mamacita linda came home shortly thereafter and was happy to see her fresh yummie Dunkin Donuts that papi brought from the big city! Mami grabbed a yummie donut and munched it right down.

Famous last words

Because of mamacita’s crazy work schedule we typically eat lunch at her mom’s house. Since she doesn’t have much time, mamacita went to her mom’s house and I went to pick up our daughter at her kindergarten. Just before she walked out, mamacita grabbed another donut to eat while she walked 2 blocks to her mom’s house.

Like a big dummy I asked: “Are you sure you want to eat another one of those before eating lunch?”.

Mamacita offered me a bite of her donut and went on to her mom’s house. I walked 2 blocks the opposite way to pick up our Brianna Nayaraq from her “jardin”.

Fat bitch ate all the donuts

After picking up Brianna from her “jardin” and before going to my mother-in-law’s house, Brianna always wants to stop at our house first. She likes to drop off her backpack and get a piece of chocolate. I opened the door to our house and Brianna strolled into the kitchen to look for a piece of chocolate.

“Papi, Manchita threw the garbage on the floor.”

“What???”

I usually put the garbage out of reach of the dogs when I leave the house. They are normally not bad but at the same time they’re not well-behaved either. I never had the time (or skill) to train the dogs properly when they were young. On this fateful day I had left Roxi – the older, smarter, Jack Russell looking mutt – outside in the yard and Manchita – the fat dumb Blue Pitbull – had stayed inside.

I ran into the kitchen and to my horror I found on the floor an empty Dunkin Donuts box and plastic bag. Manchita, my fat bitch, tried to look innocent like “A bunch of intruders broke into the house, I tried to fight them off but they were to many” but a speck of white powdered sugar on her nose gave her away. The fat bitch had reached up on the table, tugged at the plastic bag and once it fell on the floor she helped herself to every last donut in the box!!!

I was mad as ever. I had toted a box of Donuts for 300 miles only to have mamacita eat 2 and the dog eat 10. To put that in perspective, my fat dog weighs around 50 lbs (~25 kg). At my body weight I would have to eat 40+ donuts to equal her! In a pound-for-pound eating contest not even Sonya the Black Widow could beat my fat bitch!

Chart of the day:

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Chart of the day: amount of donuts consumed by my fat dog vs everyone else.

My fat bitches:

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Manchita: my fat Blue Pitbull bitch

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Roxi and Manchita.

I found this supposedly official record of donut eating. Keep in mind my fat bitch stopped eating because she was out of donuts, not because she didn’t want any more 🙂

What expats in Cuzco talk about

The other night I went out with a couple of fellow expats in Cuzco. Lori is a software/marketing executive turned English teacher and Mark runs “Machu Pizza” here in Cuzco. Lori has spent most of the past 10 years or so here in Cuzco, having moved here from California. Mark has been in Cuzco for about 3 years. Mark’s Peruvian girlfriend was also with us.

Living in Peru has given me a new point of view about minorities. I am a minority now for the first time in my life. No matter how much I like Peru and how friendly Peruvian people are to foreigners, there is some level of comfort in being with people who are like you, and like most expats I know, I get together or spend time regularly with other expats. There’s another perspective to this as well: Mark, Lori and myself are very different by the traditional “classifications” that we try to apply in the US. Lori is an African-American woman, I’m a middle-age white guy. In the US we’d be lumped in entirely different “categories”, but here in Peru we’re the same category (GRINGO). While we may have different ethnicity, our backgrounds and life experiences are similar. Diversity is more than checking off a box on an HR form.

At any rate, the four of us devoured one of Mark’s pizzas and shared a bottle of cheap Peruvian wine. Bad for the waist but good for the soul. Here’s some of the things we talked about:

Pizza

We fussed about how Peruvian pizza isn’t that great. Mark is planning to overhaul the entire pizza scene here in Cuzco with his “Machu Pizza” restaurant and little pizzas sold from “Machu Pizza” carts outside schools and markets. Here in Peru this sort of “informal economy” is very common, there are street vendors selling candy, snacks, drinks on practically every street corner. Mark is planning to become the mogul of street corner pizza vendors 🙂

Peruvian workmanship and reliability

As a kid I remember going to my grandmother’s house one day while she was preparing food to cook. My grandmother was using a little knife to cut some food and she complained that her knife “was a Spaniard”. I didn’t get it at first (I was only 5 or 6 at the time) and she had to explain to me what she meant was that the knife was doing work of inferior quality – it was not sharp at all.

I sort of took offense to my grandmother’s comment at the time because I loved Spain, it’s where we went on family vacations. But my grandmother had a point: in the late 70s (not that long after the Franco era in Spain) when northern Europeans like us would go on summer holiday in Spain we found that quality of workmanship was not nearly as good as in the more industrialized countries in northern Europe. You can love a place while still being realistic about strengths and weaknesses in an economic or practical sense (*).

During our conversation Mark told us he bought a welding machine and is building his own mobile pizza ovens for his streetvendor carts. He tried to have one oven built by a local mechanic or contractor, but never got it done. One part of the job was done well and on time but then the job never got finished. After much delay and promises of “tomorrow” Mark eventually retrieved his partly-built oven and finished it himself. I fussed about the 2-year old park in my neighborhood that’s already falling apart, Lori complained about some of the sub-standard workmanship on her house that she is building. These are very typical gripes of expats. I love Peru but it’s not a place to go for high-quality workmanship and reliability in an industrial sense.

Peruvian web sites are really bad

Mark mentioned something about a web site he’s had in the works for 6 months now, still not ready. Most Peruvian websites are terrible quality. I think it has to do with the education at the universities and higher-education institutes. The quality of education in IT seems really bad and not practical.

Why Peruvian kids love to work at McDonalds

Mark told us he’s having trouble getting reliable help for his restaurant, not uncommon in his business I’m sure. Several of the young people who had worked for him have gone on to work at fast-food restaurants here in Cuzco. We have 1 each of McDonalds, Bembos, KFC and Starbucks in Cuzco and many kids look at them as cool or great places to work. We amazed how fast-food jobs – at least with the big multi nationals – are regarded highly here in Cuzco, unlike back home.

* * *

So it would be a fair question to ask, after all that fussing, why don’t we just go back to our own countries?

Truth is, we discussed that. Despite our typical belly-aching we agreed that we like living in Peru better than in our home countries. There’s a certain quality of life that has nothing to do with mundane considerations like taste of pizza or quality of websites. Here in Peru there is more social interaction than back home, life revolves a bit less around work and money, people don’t take themselves as seriously as in the industrialized countries. And of course as expats every day is a bit of an adventure, maybe that’s not for everybody, but I like broadening my horizons by living in a different culture.

And finally, other than pizza, Peruvian food really is better than the rest 😉

landing_in_Piura_SPUR

I delivered a small Cessna 172 from the factory in Kansas to Lima last month. Here I am on final approach for landing in Piura.

(*) If the EU people had been more realistic about the strengths and weaknesses of the various economies throughout the Euro-zone they might not be in the predicament they are now.

Frogs, drinks and birthdays in Peru

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Seriously, I cannot party like a young person any more.

Mamacita linda celebrated a birthday last week and we celebrated in the proper tradition of Peruvian birthdays. In other words, eat, drink and dance till the wee hours of the morning. We started with the family at our house, Pisco and soda because I didn’t have time to make proper Pisco Sour for them all, and then to “Sr. Panda” for some yummie food.

Back at our house for cake. Peruvian birthday cakes only have 1 candle, whether you’re turning 1 or 100. Not like up North where the nr. of candles matches the nr. of years. Peruvians don’t seem to keep track of the years, Patricia doesn’t know her brother and sister’s age without seriously thinking about it.

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Mami's birthday cake

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Mamacita linda on her birthday!

Our apartment here in Cuzco is very small (hopefully this year that will finally change) and we can’t really entertain friends and family together, so we had decided to have the family at our house first and then a few drinks with friends at The Frogs, a sort of hip / bohemian bar close to the Plaza de Armas in Cuzco. We got to “The Frogs” around 10pm and this is where the party really took on its Peruvian character. Some of Patricia’s friends showed up early, but others didn’t show up until 1:00am, which this is totally normal here.

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At the Frogs in Cuzco

We had lots of finger food and then more cake. As you can see we had a little glitch where we ran out of forks for the cake…

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Cake for mami's birthday at the Frogs in Cuzco.

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When you run out of forks....

We had a good time at “The Frogs” with a ridiculous amount of finger-food, more cake, and, errgh, a few drinks. The deal was that Patricia had booked a reserved room for our party and gotten a package-deal with food and drinks. At the end we decided to have the waitress bring all of our remaining drinks for a nice picture 🙂

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Drinks at the Frogs in Cuzco

If you thought the party was over just because it was going on 2:00am or so, you must not be Peruvian! At 1:00am the party around the Plaza de Armas in Cuzco is just getting started. The girls decided to take the short walk from “The Frogs” to the Plaza de Armas and go dancing at one of the local discos, I think it was “Mythology”.

A few months ago there was a big to-do about the mayor of Cuzco trying to close all the discos at the Plaza de Armas. How’s that bone-headed idea working out you ask?

Just have a look… I mean, nightlife is part of any big tourist city, from Miami to Amsterdam to Downtown Disney.

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Mythology disco at the Plaza de Armas Cuzco

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Mamacita with one of her best and most-outgoing friends

In the wee hours of the morning we headed home but some of Patricia’s friends stayed out a bit longer. I suffered the next morning, this party stuff is for young folks 🙂