I have bad news for you

Did you know only sexy people read this blog? Sure you did! Other than that we get a pretty good mix but for all you sexy people who aren’t 3×7 anymore I’ve got some bad news:

I just heard Avril Lavigne on the radio. On the classic rock station.

Avril Lavigne
Classic rock.

If you’re like me, you’re older than you feel 😖

Kiwicha chicken strips

We’re having friends over tonight so you know what that means: papi gets to cook his super world famous Kiwicha chicken strips. Seriously, kids come from far and away to eat my Kiwicha chicken strips. For full disclosure, they also come over because I serve Mamacita Linda and all the other mamacitas fernet con coca.

Kiwicha, Amaranthus caudatus or Love-lies-bleeding if you prefer is a staple here in the Andes. You people in the industrialized world – at least most of the readers of this fine blog hail from those parts – now call Kiwicha a “super food” but that’s only because you’re so used to eating processed, industrialized food-like substances that anything natural like or milk or honey is now considered a super food up there.

The recipe for my world famous Kiwicha chicken strips? There isn’t a recipe per se because in my kitchen everything is al gusto but the secret is you need 2 bowls: flour in one bowl, with condiments of your choice, and not-too-liquidy liquid in a second bowl. The key to beautiful golden crisp chicken is this: first you roll the chicken in the flour, then dip in the liquid and then back again in the flour. When all the chicken strips are ready, fry 8 or 9 minutes (at 3,400 meters elevation, may be a few minutes less at lower altitudes) and eat!

It works with any kind of flour but I use about 50% Kiwicha and 50% white flour. Sometimes I’ll use 50% Quinoa which works just as well as the Kiwicha. When you use more than half Kiwicha (or any other darker color flour) it’s a bit trickier to obtain the nice golden crisp color. The liquid where the pollitos go “swimming” consists of 50% milk, 50% cerveza, some eggs and a dab of flour. Both bowls get salt, pepper, whatever condiments spin your propeller on any given day.

Fair warning: when you have 2 or 3 kids that “help” you cook, it sometimes gets a wee bit messy. If you do the liquid just right, have a fire hose ready to wash their little hands afterwards.

Postcard for Jeroen

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Playa Platanales near Ilo, Peru

Yes I know it’s 2018 and it’s a terrible thing that I would put a picture of a girl on the blog just because she’s cute. Spare me your righteous lecture and hear me out:

  • My second cousin Jeroen is an only child. He’s a military man who hasn’t started a family yet.
  • Jeroen’s mother is an only child.
  • Jeroen’s 95 year old grandmother is the only living family member of her generation (ie. my grandparent’s generation)

So you might imagine if there was ever a guy who’s under some external pressure, my poor cousin Jeroen is that guy. Jeroen needs to fly out to Peru and find out who’s in that picture.

Peru’s constitutional crisis explained

  • The President is corrupt, incompetent and does not act with the best interest of the country in mind.
  • Congress and the Judicial branch are corrupt, incompetent and do not act with the best interest of the country in mind.
  • 60% of people working in public service are incompetent, corrupt and do not act with the best interest of the country in mind.

Why don’t cameras have an “inebriated” setting?

Look this is the least bad picture from Mamacita’s birthday bash, eat the cake moment. Whatever the picture taker person tried to do obviously didn’t work. The camera has an “auto” setting but inebriated people don’t use “auto” settings any more than middle age guys ask for directions. Hey Kodak & co, don’t be a bunch of stiffs. Add an “inebriated” mode to your products already and preserve millions of happy moments for future generations!

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No good pics but the party was a blast, take my word for it 🙂

Dear Google

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I do not give a cuy’s behind what you think my web site should look like. The whole freaking internet is starting to look “the same” because every web designer and their sister are scared that Google won’t show their pages in search results if they don’t follow Google’s design guidelines.

Rant over.

Yes, Eric is a singer

Picture this: we’re developing an application that calculates residential heating and cooling loads, for building code purposes. We’re a week or so away from releasing this puppy after 18+ months of proverbial blood, sweat and tears. For testing purposes I like to use known addresses, my own home, some friends’ homes, and a few addresses from popular culture, say the House of the Rising Sun. I’ve used 461 Ocean Blvd many times because it’s a real house, works good for testing, and it’s in Florida, a big market for us. I’ve probably used the address 40+ times in testing.

Today one of our developer happens to be listening to Melissa on Spotify which has a special meaning for me because an Allman Brothers & Lynyrd Skynyrd concert was the reason I fell in love, got married and moved to Peru.

I’m not all into popular culture but Duane Allman was close to Eric Clapton and together they revolutionized electric guitar playing, 2 lead guitars complimenting each other instead of the traditional rhythm + lead guitar. While “Melissa” was playing in the background our newest developer needed an address for testing. The subconscious works in funny ways.

Developer girl: “Which address?”

Me: “Eric’s house, 461 Ocean Blvd”

Developer girl: “OK. Is this Eric guy like a singer or something?”

Me: “I quit my job, moved to Peru, got a wife, 3 kids and a dog because I went to an Allman Brothers concert and you’re asking me if Eric is a singer or something ?!?”