Do not mix


One day an Alchemist working for the Good Creator was doing some experiments, dabbling in this mixing with that. Kaboom. Things didn’t work out as planned. The Alchemist wrote a detailed report for the Good Creator, 43-101 compliant, many pages of detail, temperatures, pressures, formulas and conclusions. He sent his report up to the Good Creator.

The Good Creator called down to his Alchemist and asked “What does this all mean?” He said sorry we’ve been real busy here with the war in Syria and that situation with De Bruyne in Chelsea, really don’t have time to delve into the details of the report. Would appreciate if you could explain in layman’s terms.

The Alchemist responded: “It’s about gringo and Peruvian genes. I suggest they not mix because the results can be very unpredictable.”


The Good Creator sent the report down to his geographic department with a sticky note:

“Take care of this.”

A while later the geographic department responded that they had implemented a fix. The gringo genes would be placed well above the equator and the Peruvian genes below the equator. There would be an ocean and a big jungle in between the two. Most of the Peruvian genes were placed on top of a big old mountain where they would not likely mix with others.

And the Good Creator saw that it was good.

* * *

Seriously, our girls are little bundles of hellraiser. I should have read a book about parenting. I waited until I was 35 to have my first baby so I had plenty of time. I read lots of books, about knights and cowboys and wars, of course. I read “1984” and “Catcher in the Rye”. Books about computers and airplanes. Never once thought about reading a book about parenting and forget about it now, no time.

I mean, we don’t have any real issues. I’m not talking juvenile detention here, only that some days it seems like every other parent is a better parent than me. Everyone else’s kids are easier than ours. So it seems.

  • When it’s time to eat, other kids sit at the table and eat nicely. Ours make a mess, barely eat when it’s time to eat.
  • When it’s time to sleep, other kids say goodnight and go to bed. Ours never go to bed until we do, and the baby who was sleeping good as a newborn now wakes up 5-10 times every night. Her older sister used to wake up 3-4 times a night until she was 14 months old.
  • When it rains, other kids put on their coat and try to stay out of the rain. Our Brianna will go out of her way to jump in puddles of water and make a big spash.
  • When it’s time to do homework, other kids follow instructions. Brianna turns every task into a Picasso. Same for the walls in our house.

“Brianna Nayaraq”. Nayaraq means “who has a lot of desires”. Should’ve known I guess.

Patricia does believe in the whole mixing of genes thing. She says her friends who married gringos all have wild little kids. We had to take a blood test before getting married here in Peru, to test if “we were compatible” and we’d have good kids. Sometimes we talk about going back to that clinic and asking for our money back 🙂

In all seriousness I’m not complaining. We have 2 beautiful, healthy girls and that’s all I could ever ask for. They’re healthy, happy and growing. I am fortunate enough to be able to provide them a decent home, pay for private school (for the oldest) and a maid who cooks like Gaston Acurio.

Every day!

But am I the only one or do you sometimes wonder, why does parenting look so much easier for other parents?

* * *

As for the story of creation…

They say Eve tempted Adam with an apple but man I ain’t going for that, I say it was a pink Cadillac.

2 thoughts on “Do not mix

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